I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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