I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
