I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
