Acid is not a monday night drug
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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