Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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