It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
