I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
