Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
false alarm, still single
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
