I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dear god my vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
