just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
