Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
