just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
