You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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