Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
