Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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