Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
