Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize