You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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