So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
