her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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