i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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