the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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