My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
