i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
