Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
