I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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