I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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