He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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