In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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