My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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