First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
