even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
