Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
