True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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