Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize