There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
