come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
