FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
