Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
