i already hear my dad disowning me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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