and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
