you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
