the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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