i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
