I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize