There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
