Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
