Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
