Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love having hate sex.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
