I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
