Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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