the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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