my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
