I didn't shave. On purpose
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
