he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
