i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
