he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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