she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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