its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
