It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
