I never want to see another naked old woman again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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