Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize