I want to make a zoo with you.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
