I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
