Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
