please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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