new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have tasted many bathrooms
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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