Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
