drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
