i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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