3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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