Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
