My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
