I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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