Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
