I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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