he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
