im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just high enough for therapy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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