Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
