is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
