ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
